Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
