but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
