Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Sext me about skeletons
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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