You smell like stripper and shame
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
