"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
