Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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