Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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