her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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