i don't like sucking hair
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
