Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You ate ashes out of my bong
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
