Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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