Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
