I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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