at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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