i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize