i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
