My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
