At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
