she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just blew my weed a kiss
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
