Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
