after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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