Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize