Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The uberlube is also flammable
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
