its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
dude. I can hear the air.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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