put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
