i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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