The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Randomize
