i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize