Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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