theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
