Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
