wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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