You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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