Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
