I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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