Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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