What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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