I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
