...so i touched it.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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