One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
