Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
