The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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