We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
