I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
