Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
