Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
