it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
