Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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