i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
