He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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