I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
