you would pick up someone in the library
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
