Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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