She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
