Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
