I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
