Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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