Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
