Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The convent might be a nice break from real life
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
