Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize