i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
