Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
