Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm like, not good at living.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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