so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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