I just made out with a guy for $7.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
