I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
