Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
